I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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