He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
