I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Pants are for mortals
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize