So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
