Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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