Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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