Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I lost the right to judge tonight
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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