dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize