ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
