PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
