Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
