so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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