My Higher Power is John Stamos
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
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