my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
