I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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