I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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