I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
