sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
