she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
