My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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