doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
