Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
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