Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
