Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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