I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
