I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
me + whiskey = a bad person
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Randomize
