that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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