Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
