I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
