Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
