OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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