We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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