She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
