Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Randomize
