I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
