he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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