please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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