A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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