There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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