Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
