I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
