i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
