Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
if only i could text you this smell
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
