I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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