I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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