It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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