the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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