someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
