idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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