I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
