I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
