well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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