I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize