I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
