Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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