I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
