I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
