Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
