Please, let me fuck your mom
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
