just come out here and I will go home with you...
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
