saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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