Cold hands, warm shart.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
