his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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