I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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