I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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