im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
