When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
