I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize