Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
MIDGETS
????
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
