How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
