apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize