This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
