that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Randomize
