Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
