What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
