I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
