I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize