I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
