is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
