Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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