I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
This is classic penis vs brain.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Let's get the cat blown out
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
